I'm Sorry

On Tuesday night's ATC (All Things Considered) commentator, John McWhorter, responded to comedian Michael Richard's racial rant. Lisen/read it here I wanted to learn more so I went to CNN to check it out. CNN It was pretty offensive. At first, he's just really angry. Then he goes over the edge and makes references to lynching and pitch forks.

McWhorter wanted to know what was the point of Micheal's apology on David Letterman? The commentator sounded tired of people apologizing for racism because, he felt, it doesn't mean they will change their thoughts. What I took from this: don't say you're sorry if you won't change. But I had a problem with it.

How can we start to change if we do not apologize? If I say I am sorry, that is a start. I will check myself in the future when I have those thoughts. I will for sure not verbalize what is wrong.

Then I started thinking about the power of apology...About the word sorry. It's a good word. Saying you're sorry begins healing. Saying you're sorry opens closed doors of communication. Saying you're sorry is humbling. To me, even if the person is not really sorry...They have been humbled. Think of your kids and forcing them to say sorry. What are we teaching them...They say it and don't mean it...Then we say, "Say it like you mean it." OK...We could be teaching really good actors. But I think you get my point.

So "Kramer" said he was sorry... ON NATIONAL TV!!! And I felt it was genuine.

Even if he doesn't think what he did was wrong, he has been humbled nationally. And you could say, he has brought discussions of racism out.

Window into my marriage: Saying you're sorry was a hard thing for my husband to say. He approached it much like the commentator. If you don't mean it, and don't feel it, don't say it. Stubborn. Proud. It hurt me a lot early in our relationship.

Silly, but a good example; dishes.

I asked him to do the dishes. He didn't. He was busy. No apology. He was doing really important stuff and ran out of time. OK...But I had to express to him that saying you're sorry isn't always personal. Sometimes, a lot of the time, it is for the other person. It acknowledges their feelings. Perhaps it comes from being a woman, but saying sorry is second nature. I have to work on not saying it all the time for silly things. Sorry the lasagna is dry. Could I have that paperwork today? It's due. Sorry. (WHY DO I DO THAT??) Eventually, my husband realized how important this was to me. And how happy his wife would be if he just said it! No one likes angry Sueann.

Another time I will tell you the story of the dogs on the highway, Pasco Firefighters and raging in Korean. Moral of the story: good intentions do not equal good outcomes.